Resurrection.

Ah, life. Full of whimsy, you are. So much so that my self-inspired whimsy lay dormant for some time as I dealt with one Major Unexpected Thing after another -- most of it difficult, some of it very, very sad, and nearly all of it requiring parallel Major Life Adjustments. All the while I continued to work copious hours, but happily, I did so on cases I cared very much about -- and I know this makes me incredibly lucky. The end of 2011 culminated with me hosting my entire family for the holidays; my beloved pup needing a second major surgery and another 12 weeks of rehab; my sweet husband making a 4.0 in his first foray into higher education; bad news and medical issues galore for several in my clan (now resolved); and my landing unexpectedly on a High Profile Matter with an incredible amount of responsibility that sparked an equally incredible amount of passion. Other than one Saturday where I was ordered to bed for the day, I have worked every single day since January 1. Every. Single. Day. Until today. After closing arguments yesterday (which moved my little eyes to well up with hot, angry tears), I now devote the next four days to returning my life to a sense of normalcy, complete with a stack of accumulated unread magazines, cooking, pedicure, friends, new [kale] tattoo, and maybe a dark and stormy or six. Tuesday's re-emergence will be of a Resurrected Me. Seems fitting to resurrect this little blog I enjoy so much along the way.

As the whirlwind took over, I was careful to try my best to control what I could in the midst of complete and utter insanity. What could I control? That is an easy and short list: my food intake. With fatigue taking a toll and frustration at my growing discomfort in my own skin despite efforts to regularly exercise, I was willing to try anything to up my energy levels and ease the gut pain I battled in various degrees for two decades. Then two friends, each independent of the other, told me about eating paleo. Mind you, I have always been a believer in eating (nearly) all things in moderation, and I have spent the past many years transitioning my diet to a healthy one -- lean meats, an endless stream of vegetables, whole grains. But, despite the calorie-counting and regular exercise, I felt zapped of all energy by mid-day and watched my mid-section grow. I blamed too little sleep and too much stress, but I did not see how I could change either in the midst of this turmoil. I was willing to try anything for a couple of weeks with the intention of "resetting" my body before again pursuing the healthy diet and exercise regime I thought was necessary. I had never heard of going paleo but I liked the sound of it, and I especially liked the enthusiasm of my two friends who apparently experienced precisely the sort of transformation I longed for.

A couple of words on paleo eating. I will not pretend to try and repeat the vast resources out there on the Interwebs -- if you truly want details, google Fitbomb or Robb Wolf or even just "paleo diet" and you will find more details than you could possibly want -- but I can share in a nutshell whatt matters to me. Most importantly, above all else, the paleo diet is not a traditional "diet" since the goal is not weight loss (though weight loss usually is inevitable); the goal is clean eating to keep your body working as well as possible. You know, HEALTH. The word "paleo" derives from the premise that we humans should eat as our paleolithic ancestors ate, as that is the evolutionary period we continue to experience in terms of what our bodies can handle. For this reason, the paleo diet is often called the caveman diet.

Now, when I first read about paleo, I found that premise to be a load of hooey. And in large part I still do. But the actual nuts and bolts of paleo eating intrigued me: in the past 20 or so years, or food supply has transformed from whole, actual FOOD into a science experiment and conglomeration of chemicals and words I cannot pronounce, let alone understand. Even the term "organic" is false comfort at times because "organic" applies only to HOW a thing is grown, not WHAT is actually planted. Too often the "what" is so genetically modified that it hardly compares to with its original. Corn and soy products are in *everything* these days, and the amount of sugar that permeates our food supply is quite literally making us a more sickly population.

Paleo, for me, is about eating cleanly -- or eating food in its most original form, as intended, without overdosing on natural sugar. This means plenty of pastured meats, organic eggs, and wild-caught fish; limitless vegetables coated with as few chemicals as possible; non-processed oils like unrefined coconut oil, olive oil, avocado oil, and some nut oils; and some fruit. I avoid all grains (yes, that means bread, brown rice, and quinoa), legumes (which is not hard for me since legumes have always made me feel like crap), all processed foods, and things with added sugar (which includes corn processed into sugar and sugar substitutes, like aspertame or stevia). And once the Handsome Tattooed Man gave me a tutorial on Roundup Ready, I developed a deep fear for all things Odwalla and all things soy.  I do not eat soy. Besides being a legume and therefore technically not paleo, I have read way too much about soy and will never go near it again. Same goes with fake sugars and most other chemical additives to food. Scary stuff, yo.

For my house, turns out that added sugar bit was a real kicker. When I cleaned out my kitchen -- the kitchen I thought was a mostly healthy one -- I tossed 98% of everything in it that wasn't a plant due to the added sugar. Sugar. Is. Everywhere. I had no idea.

I am not, however, a teetotaler when it comes to eating paleo.  Paleo purists, for example, avoid dairy, which I do not -- but the dairy I now consume is the full fat version -- whole milk, heavy cream, regular cheese, pastured butter. I just do not consume dairy in copious amounts. Paleo purists also avoid ALL grains. I avoid gluten wherever possible, but I will not, under any circumstance, live a life without sushi or pho. Alcohol is also not on the paleo menu. Um. I am an attorney. Do you understand? Alcohol -- though paleo eating has encouraged me to cut my intake immensely -- is not, cannot, and will not be eliminated from my universe. I also allow myself to enjoy a night of pizza with friends, the occasional date night at Arugula or otherwise fancypants joint with bread, and as a general rule I eat anything made for me by someone I love with appreciation.  In short, I would guess I eat paleo between 80% and 95% of the time, fluctuating according to how often I eat out. My home is otherwise 100% paleo, save for the aforementioned dairy, Patron or dark and stormy ingredients, and the chocolate almond butter I keep on reserve for moments I need a spoonful in order to survive.

So what do I eat? My meals always consist of meat (organic/pastured where possible), vegetables, and healthy fat. A typical day unfolds as follows: breakfast of organic pastured eggs, bacon, and maybe half an avocado or boiled sweet potato chunks. I have started enjoying non-traditional foods for breakfast too, like pot roast and kale or ground pork stir fry. Lunch is usually dinner leftovers or, if we have no leftovers, a combination of pastured deli meat slices or a tin of fish (I have a growing love for sardines, people), greens or some easy-to-nuke vegetable, baby carrots, slice of cheese, sliced red/green peppers. If I am at work eating at my desk, I make a point of fixing myself an actual plate of food -- like, on an actual porcelain plate -- to enjoy as an actual meal. My favorite snack in god's entire universe is a Honeycrisp apple smothered in almond butter (almonds only, no added sugar), though lately I have noshed on a handful of macadamia nuts and/or unsweetened coconut chips. Dinner is a feast -- a combination of any sort of delicious, wholesome meat available and usually between 2 and 4 sides of veggies, sometimes with half an avocado. If I need a snack before bed (and rarely do I), I tend to grab a spoon of almond butter (or chocolate almond butter) or a glass of unsweetened almond milk. On weekends, I even make indescribably delicious pumpkin muffins, or pancakes, or cinnamon rolls, or some other sweet bread -- but with almond and coconut flour, honey, and coconut oil instead of white flour or processed mixes, buckets of sugar, and processed oils.

As a result? My life has completely changed. A resurrection emerging over the course of weeks, if you will. I cannot overstate this.

First and foremost, excluding the morning after a night of pizza or pasta, I am never hungry. Never. I eat less than I once did, I think, because I am not snacking all day on crap and I am satisfied at each meal. With that, my troublesome bellyaching has vanished. I never feel sick. Never. Even when I gorge on pumpkin muffins or cinnamon rolls and almond milk, I simply do not suffer the stomach angst afterward that I once did with a regular cinnamon roll or muffin (plus I am eating way less sugar and way more fiber and nutrients). So I have less stress because I am not constantly worried about whether I am going to feel sick after I eat.

Physically, I am smaller. At first, the midsection simply stopped growing. Then, it started shrinking. In the past six or so weeks, despite working Every Single Day and exercising on none of them, I have lost over eight pounds -- without counting a calorie, without measuring a portion size, WITHOUT BEING HUNGRY. I was shocked to step on the scale when I finally did return to the gym this week. I knew my clothes were not fitting so well, and I knew it was easier to move around, put on my shoes, etc., but this was a weight I had not seen since before I started law school almost a decade ago. I have also been amazed at my energy -- not just for having an overall improved energy level, but that mid-afternoon slump? The crashing around 3 or 4 that always sparked a coffee craving? All but gone. I certainly have days when I am tired, but I find I need the break from what I am doing and the typical accompanying chat with a friend more than the actual stimulant.

All else aside, the biggest, most surprising transformation has been my mood. I just feel .... happier. More upbeat. Even when buckling under insane stress and various sad events, I had a sense of optimism and coped so much better than I would have expected of myself. One of my friends who went paleo told me before I gave it a whirl that the food changes resulted in a major mood boost for her, but lordhavemercy, I was not at all prepared for this difference. And it is downright *tangible*. Even if eating paleo were difficult (and it just isn't), this change alone would have me never going back to my former "healthy" ways. I do not understand the science (and do not care to), but there MUST be something to this notion of insulin spikes affecting energy levels and mood. And with sugar, corn, and soy in everything we eat, no wonder insulin spikes are a constant.

And don't get me started on my husband. He Who Finds All Trends Suspect. Never has Brandon had any interest in monitoring what he eats, or in working out, or in talking about what he eats or working out. Since our house went paleo, he is hooked -- he even joined a Crossfit gym, which is the exercise equivalent of paleo eating (but far more strenuous than I care to experience). He needs ALL new clothes. And dare I say his disposition too is more upbeat.

In short, what started as a goal of resetting my system over the course of a few weeks has become a complete lifestyle change. And I could not be more thrilled. The early steps -- I will not lie -- were difficult. Learning to shop for different products. Learning to cook with different types of things. Not eating potato chips. The meal planning. Lord, the meal planning. The frequent trips to the grocery store. But now, eating this way is as second nature as eating was before -- only I feel a baJILLION times better in numerous ways. Here I am now trying to resurrect somewhat a life for myself (and this blog), but I must acknowledge that I am doing so with a new sense of self fairly intact.

In coming days, I plan to organize my thoughts around food and prove to myself and anyone who finds it a challenge that it is entirely possible to eat healthy, satisfying, home-cooked meals with 20 minutes of preparation on a weeknight.  I confess I am counting down the days until Karl's Farm begins delivery of this spring's CSA, and I yearn for warm morning walks with the dog. Until then, I have a new sous vide oven to master, and a new pressure cooker to experiment with. I am helped immensely by blogs I cannot ever aspire to emulate (the food porn at Nom Nom Paleo is the best on the planet, plus the author -- also named Michelle -- is obviously very kick ass. I also devour the blogging of Melicious, author of Well Fed aka Most Amazing Cookbook Ever, over at The Clothes Make the Girl), but my goal here is to keep it simple, track what works and what doesn't, and master maintaining this degree of health with minimal food preparation time.

Life is worth living while feeling amazing, folks. I am convinced it can be done with abandon, and I aim to prove me right.